Staci\'s a quirky bird

Uh, we’re moving again.

With the addition of our newest family member, we knew that we’d have to move our of our shoebox apartment and get a bigger place. But the question was, where? Living in southern California, as you could probably guess, is mondo expensive. So, we started looking around at other places to live. We couldn’t find anywhere that we thought we would enjoy as much as we enjoy living here, but the hunt was on.

just close your eyes and point to the map

Where could we live? Didn’t want to move to the East coast (weather, expense). Didn’t want to live in the midwest (weather, lack of…anything), or the southwest (desert – no thanks). Didn’t want to live in the south (heat and hurricanes? Been there, done that.), and didn’t want to live in the northwest (too freaking wet, I’d be depressed all year).  Which left pretty much nothing.

rocky mountains – DUH.

A friend of ours was joking about moving there and we started talking about it as a joke at first. Then we started really looking into it. First upside – cost of living is 58% less there. FIFTY EIGHT PERCENT. Secondly – there’s a huge art/music scene. Third – rocky mountains. DUH. How beautiful, and still has extreme sports for my adrenaline junkie husband. Also – I have a great friend that lives in Denver to not only give me the skinny on Denver, but to also allow me to crawl up her ass, as she will mine, as we’ve wanted to for years but were stopped by the miles between us. One of the biggest draws though is that my parents want to end up in the Denver area, and my Nana (who is still rocking and rolling – the woman is a machine that runs on sheer will and determination) would be willing to move there to. Oh and, the schools there are in the top 5% of to the country. Those things you don’t think about before you have kids.

but leave California?!

That’s the hard part. I won’t miss the insane cost of living, but I have a huge support system here. My best friend in the whole world is here. In fact, all of my friends are here, and I have some amazing ones. That’s really the only thing keeping me here though, and obviously we have to do what’s best for our family. The scary part – SNOW! I’ve only lived places that I can wear flip flops year round. So, this should be interesting. But I hear that the winters aren’t terrible, and that Denver gets as many sunny days per year as San Diego. Holla for that.

and it will all go down…

After the baby is born and our lease is up in early April, we’ll be starting our trek to the rockies. My parents and I will caravan, the kids can hang in the RV with them and watch tv while we drive. Jeff will take the uhaul and the dogs, and spring 2011 we’ll officially be Denverites. Who’s coming to snowboard next winter? Because it’s gonna be ON.

holidays without family sucks.

Pretty much since Jeff and I have been married, we haven’t lived withing a thousand miles of anyone in our family. Which means that holidays have been a bit lonely for the last 7 years or so. But last year, my parents retired and have been traveling around the US in their pimped out RV hitting up all the state parks and sights from sea to shining sea (check out their blog here). And the best part (for us) is that they stay here for half the year, during the winter when it becomes too difficult to drive their rig around in the winter weather.

Thanksgiving showed much to be thankful for, with me being 6.5 months pregnant (but feeling like I’m about 15 months pregnant) cooking didn’t seem like a task that I was going to be able to complete without some help. And in swooped my Super-Mom and saved the day. She was a baking, stirring, pie making fool and we got a delicious taste of home. So good. Even if half of us were sick with a cold.

black friday = decorations + turkey sandwiches.

Friday we put up the Christmas decorations. This is typically one of my favorite days of the year – the first day of Bing Crosby Christmas music, twinkle lights, candy canes, and the cherry on the sunday – the tree. Except this year I had a fever (making me extra grumpy) and…our fake Christmas tree’s lights quit working. I had a completely pregnant moment and came unraveled because the stupid tree wasn’t working. Not worth buying a new one when we’re moving soon, not to mention it would put off my black friday Christmas tree extravaganza…so I had to suck it up. We strung lights on it, so it’s got two sets on – one working and one not. Ghetto. But really not that big of a deal – in fact the tree looks just fine. Can’t even tell. Well, I can, but I’m trying to get over that.

So bring it on, Santa.

So far, so good. Rudolph and frosty have been watched, decorations are up and shining, Bing is crooning, and all of the presents (with a few exceptions) have been purchased. Next step – wrapping hell. But how satisfying to see all of those pretty packages under the tree? I guess the dog may be sad that her new found favorite napping spot is gone, but I’ll feel a lot better when they’re stacked and shiny under the tree. Next stop, more favorite Christmas movies, cookie making, and a deliciously warm fire burning nightly. Happy Holidays,  hope yours are bright.

So yeah. I just moved the blog over to a new server and it was a 3 hour nightmare. Fun.

I’ve got a new theme again, so yay for that. But I only caved and picked one AFTER I bumbled around in the code for another several hours. Every time I code, it makes me grumpy. Realy grumpy. I should probably take a hint, huh?

I’ve decided to take a fresh approach to blogging, as I’m obviously not able to keep it together enough to post on a regular basis with my current schema. Here’s the dilemma.

what I want it to be

I would love for this to be a place where I’m always updating fun information, new sketches, new music, inspiration, you know – interesting. Happy. Enlightening. Make-your-day-awesome geniusness. I know, super realistic right?

I also want it to be a place where you guys can all get to know me a little better. Learn about my life. About what makes me tick. What I’m up to, trials, tribulations. All that.

the reality

2010 has been a bitch for me personally (and it seems like a lot of us? Maybe it’s just me). So finding my happy place, finding inspiration, being creative outside of work and being the big bundle of sunshine that I normally am – it just hasn’t been happening. So, I’ve been lame and just haven’t been posting anything. And then I feel guilty for not posting. Double Lame.

so I decided…

…to suck it up and jump in. So you’ll likely be hearing about happy things, sad things, stupid things, just all of it. I promise not to tell you completely mundane garbage though, like what I ate for breakfast and what color my socks are today. Seriously. Promise.

It’s been insane around here, but what’s new?

We moved.

We moved into a very nice, albeit shoebox sized condo in a completely gorgeous part of southern California. We’re now way closer to Jeff’s job, the schools are ridiculous, we’re closer to our friends in LA…and all around really happy with where we live. Moving was a mess. Remember I threw my back out? Well, Jeff threw his out about a week before we moved. Luckily we know many a strapping lad that could help us out, but then there was the unpacking. I had to pretty much unpack and organize our entire lives on my own. It was so bad that I tore a tendon in my knuckle moving boxes. SERIOUSLY! seriously.

QB’s getting it’s act together.

Quirky Bird has been working through changes in the way we work our clients, and changes to our development team. They’re all GOOD changes, but change never comes without a lot of chaos. Our new sales ambassador Shelly is rocking and rolling, but business is still slow – as it is across the word right now. Switching developers we’ve had to refill our payroll account because, well our new guys are more expensive. But amazing. So it’s worth it, it’s just getting there that’s been a challenge.

I’m pregnant.

You read that right. After 2.5 years of trying, we decided to stop trying…potentially forever, but definitely until we work all the rest of our finances out. And of course 5 seconds later, shazam. Baby’s looking good so far, the newest birdie will land in February of 11. I’m feeling pretty gnarly (as I sit here gnawing beef jerky so I don’t puke), mostly bitchy (which is new for me, it’s like the worst PMS ever), a little nervous, and a lot excited.

Nana’s doing well.

She’s still “goin’ and a’blowin’” as she’d say. She’s enjoying Canasta and bingo nights and taking it easy. She’s a freaking walking miracle. I’m lucky I come from a line of such strong women, it reminds me that I can do anything.

Ok, so maybe I’m being a little melodramatic. But still, I’m just now writing again as I’ve dragged myself out of the funky black hole I’ve been living in for the last few months. Things have been impossible these last months, and in all facets of my life. So here’s the spill.

Quirky Bird was going through some growing pains throughout the fall…training a new programmer, changing our process to streamline, trying to get websites up before Christmas. It’s always a completely insane time of year for us, and this year we had more clients than ever trying to go live. Then, in December, business came to a screeching halt – which isn’t unusual, it’s just that we didn’t have the clients in the queue that we normally do. It was hard and scary and stressful. And painful.

In mid January, we found out that my grandmother (who is a huge part of the reason why I am who I am today) is terminal with congestive heart failure. My brother and I flew out for several days to hold her, talk with her, love her. I was so beyond heartbreak, I knew it’s probably the last time I’ll see her. Half of her heart isn’t working. But she lives on. That’s how hardcore we are. I’ll have a separate post on that visit eventually, I’m not ready to go there just yet.

Knowing I’d be on a plane a ton, I figured I should get a book. It had been ages since I’ve had time and energy enough to read, I didn’t even know where to start. Then I remembered my sister-in-law had just read the Twilight series and could have had about a litter of tiny werewolves she loved it so much. So I figured why not, right? Yeah. Um, I almost finished it on my way to Houston. Bought the second book in the airport on my way home and finished it the next day. Then threw myself into the final two books to avoid living in the real world with my real problems and real pain. And because I’d been avoiding dealing over that week, I crashed and burned when the books were gone. It was ugly and gnarly and horrible, and I realized that I needed some help.

That’s when I threw my back out.

No idea how, but about 4 of my ribs got knocked out of alignment. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t sleep without feeling like I was getting nailed in the back. Went to the ER where the stellar young doctor who was in a major hurry told me I had a sprain and gave me some vicodin and motrin. Classic. Thank goodness for Chiropractors, mine set me straight and within a few days I was back in action. I’ll tell you – I’m not a crier, I didn’t even cry when I gave birth to either kid (thanks to my anesthesiologist)…but I cried like a little bitty baby just trying to walk or even lay still with my back out.

Though all of this, Jeff (my husband) had started a new job riding an ambulance. His schedule was this – Call the night before and we’ll tell you if you have to work. It was like that for about a month and a half and the stress of taking care of the kids, dealing with the impending loss of my grandmother, and running my company were taking it’s toll. I was slipping away. The week that my back was out was the end of his whack schedule and then he started his set schedule. He was gone that week from Tuesday to Friday from about 7am to about 10pm. By Friday I was a terrific mess. We had no groceries, no clean clothes, the house was a disaster zone, and I couldn’t do anything about it because my back was on the fritz. This was most definitely my lowest of lows.

I called the doctor on Monday and they were able to see me same day. She put me on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety prescription and told me to cut back on the booze (that I had been using to medicate myself). I started them on a Saturday and was a zombie for about 5 days. Seriously – I was a total drooling doorknob.  It’s been two weeks now, and I’m just starting to feel normal again. I’m still not back to feeling totally like me, but it’s getting better. I’m functioning now, living life instead of just existing. It’s like living in a fishbowl – being depressed. Like everyone can see me but I can’t see anybody. Like being locked in your own mind. And I thought I was ok. I almost didn’t go to the doctor, thinking I was just over reacting. I’m so glad I went, even if it meant that I had a few weeks of a drug induced state of dumbness.

Now the last hurdle – we’re moving to a smaller place to try to downsize our finances. We don’t want to be stuck like we were when we ran out of clients. We want to get to a place where we know that what Jeff makes totally covers us so we can save our cheese for a rainy day. Problem is – we have no idea where we’re moving. And we have to move in 3 weeks. Wish us sanity through this move, it’s hopefully going to be kicking off a new chapter for us that’s us in the upswing instead of hurtling down the rabbit hole.

So that’s my big, fat, long, depressing excuse for where I’ve been. If you made it this far, I hope I haven’t scared the crap out of you…and thanks for reading. And – don’t worry about me. I know everything is going to be ok, I’m an incessant optimist and happy-go-lucky gal and I feel that coming back. A great friend of mine likened me being depressed to superman getting diarrhea (which is quite possibly the most hilarious thing I’ve ever heard). Being happy all the time is sort of my superpower! Thank goodness for my beautiful friends that have helped me through all of this with their shoulders to cry on and bottomless tequila shots.

Years ago when Jeff and I got married, we were living in Florida in his Grandparent’s winter home while Jeff was getting his degree. When we moved in to the Florida house, I went through all of the rooms and closets and took stock of what was left there by GB (Jeff’s grandmother) and Daddy Ray (his grandfather).

Deep in one of the closets, I came across what would become one of my greatest treasures. I saw a dusty old tin and pulled it down. It was heavy, and I was anxious about what was inside…pictures? papers? Old letters? I pulled the lid off and saw a sea of buttons. Hundreds of them. I sat for hours and dug through them. I found GB’s sewing kit. I found her old scissors. I found a handkerchief she used to practice stitches on. She must have trimmed the buttons off of every piece of clothing that she discarded, and I was amazed.

I never knew GB, she died before I met Jeff…but finding her tin of buttons was like finding a little piece of her, hidden in a dusty tin in an old closet. I gave her sewing kit and handkerchief to my Mother-in-Law, who nursed her when she was so sick, and she let me keep this…my lovely treasure.

I’m not sure what it is about the buttons that is so captivating. As I sat with them to take pictures for this post, my daughters and I poured over them, talking about the ones we loved, the ones that were silly or kooky…the ones that were bright and brilliant. I’ve used the buttons to make things for myself, for my children. I’ve used them for web projects. But I mostly use them to feel connected to a woman that I never knew, but that shaped who my family is.

I am an idiot in the mornings.

I wake up every morning and make coffee, like many (most?) people who read this blog. Every morning. Every single morning. Yet, despite all of this practice, I still manage to goof it about every other time. How can you goof up coffee? Well, let me tell you.

Step 1 – grind the beans
Step 2 – take filter and pot to sink to clean and fill
Step 3 – fill up tank, replace coffee pot and lid
Step 4 – dump beans into filter (the problem step)
Step 5 – turn pot on and go brush your hair for heaven’s sake.

Wake up and dump the freaking beans into the filter.

So many days, I shuffle back over to the coffee pot, salivating, ready for my morning joe. Pour the coffee and very, very hot steamy water comes out. Awesome. Repeat steps 3-5 and try not to swear too loudly, there are kids in the room.

Lesson: There has to be order to the chaos.

I’ve found that for me to be successful, I have to have a process. It applies to life, business, and even such mundane things as making coffee. Instead of WTF do I keep doing this?! I have to figure out How do I stop myself from doing this? The answer? Reverse steps 3 and 4. It’s that simple, as is adjusting to most things in life. The hard part – Remembering the steps before you’ve had your coffee.

Daniel and I have a running joke…we’re like kids playing video games sometimes when it comes to work. We just want to spend 5 more minutes on it – until we’ve been sucked in to some ridiculous black hole of who even knows what for 6 hours. And we look up and realize that we haven’t peed in 3 hours. That there are 4 coffee mugs littering the desk. And it’s dark out.

That was SO me yesterday trying to style this blog. And I didn’t even finish. I mean, not even close really. Go me.

I’m such a right brain, I’m lucky I can talk. I can make it look pretty but this coding stuff is for the birds. Or the Daniel-birds at least, the Staci-birds just wants to make it look pretty. Although, it does sting to be grossly incompetent to build a website in anything but granny jones’ html. pth.

I always feel hungover after a holiday weekend.

Sunday was a fun day – I went and picked up a few books all by my lonesome. Had a huge stack at barnes and noble, but no chairs. Seriously B&N. get some freaking chairs. I ended up sitting on a tiny bench in the kids section listening to what had to be the most annoying gum-chewer on the planet. But, I digress.

I picked up a CSS reference book (Thanks for the reference, Daniel), which has been vital in assisting in the design of this blog. Obviously I have a lot to learn still.

I picked up Hand Job by Michael Perry – and no, get your mind out of the gutter – it’s about typography. And it’s amazing. and inspiring. I doodled all afternoon when I got home because of it. Inspiration is magical like that.

I also grabbed The Web Designer’s Idea Book. It’s full of great catagorized web page pages by color, theme, type, etc. I saw some sites I knew on entry and immediately I started wondering if one of my sites was in there…but of course there wasn’t. I mean, duh. Most of them weren’t search engine friendly, but that’s a gripe for another time.

but god bless the hangover, three day weekends are the bomb dot com.